| Psychotherapy Office of: Gary D. Alexander, M.S. 9402 West Lake Mead Blvd Las Vegas Nevada 89134 702/285-9447 garyalexander@vegastherapy.net |
When Caring Turns Toxic
| by Gary D. Alexander, M.S. Aug 2005. Are you thinking, “That sounds absurd! How can caring for others possibly be toxic?” If so, then please read on. You are on the right track towards a happier and healthier life as well as more fulfilling relationships. We’ve all heard the term codependency, which originally popped up in the late 70’s and early 80’s. It was then considered to be a condition suffered by the spouse or other family members of individuals with alcohol and/or drug problems. It was thought that the codependents beliefs and actions allowed the addict to continue drinking or using drugs without feeling the negative life-consequences otherwise experienced. The idea was that the caring behavior manifested by family members and spouses actually "enabled" the addict to continue using, at the codependent’s expense. Today, this idea has expanded to include adults who may or may not have lived with an addict. I like to use the term Toxic Caretakers. Toxic Caretakers typically learned this from their family while growing-up in order to survive, in a family that was experiencing great emotional pain and stress. To list a few, Toxic Caretakers: Do more than their share; Accept responsibility for the actions of others; Need approval and recognition; Feel guilt when asserting themselves; Fear change; Mistrust others; Cannot identify their own emotions; Fear of abandonment; Have difficulty with boundaries, intimacy, and control. In addition, Toxic Caregivers can suffer physical illness related to stress, too. The road away from Toxic Caretaking can be challenging and rewarding. It requires hard work and a dedication to healthier thinking and loving. Self-help books, personal therapy, and/or a support group are all great tools to use in learning how to STOP being a Toxic Caretaker and START enjoying the rewards life and relationships are supposed to offer. |